Her heart and mind has been confused a lot lately. She’s been relying everyday to horoscopes to dictate how will her day should be. There are times that she’ll just cry without knowing the reason why. She’s been doing a lot of spontaneous things because of this uncertainty. One day she has these goals, next thing she know, the emptiness kicks in.
Her days begins and ends usually like this not until she met him. He was a nobody. He was just some other guy who she incidentally just met. She minds her own business while he goes with his own life. Destiny, with the help of fate did its thing when they got time to know each other. He seemed to be an open book. She was there to witness his every chapter unfold. She got excited for his ups and unbelievably felt devastated thru his downs. She’d always remember his facial features, his expression, the way he laugh and smirk with the small things, the way he look and act. There is something she feels whenever he’s in the room. It was like a tingling sensation crawling on her limbs, a spark, an electricity. She was uncertain how to explain it but she was sure it was there. She started to catch this feeling like a disease. She started to care. Suddenly, her heart opened once more. Her mind became more confused than it was. She cannot sleep. She feels this mixture of anxiety and excitement whenever he’s around but I bet she won’t let anybody know. She gets clumsy when she hears his name. It’s like hearing her most favorite word in the world. She finds herself browsing him on social media everyday as if it was a vice. A deadly vice. Suddenly, all the songs she sings are all about him. She started listening to happier songs, then sad songs. Because she knew she didn’t got any chance. Though, her day is complete once she steal a glance from him. She started to think about him a lot more than she should. Suddenly, his scent became familiar to her. She had this feelings for a while, but she’d never let it show. She’s afraid of rejection, of him, of people around her. She tried to resist it but no luck, she knew she’ll be stuck with this for a while.
There’s this place that she would always drive. She spends her few minutes sitting in her car, not minding the blinding darkness of the sky and the cold weather. That became her favorite spot. Everything seems unclear but one thing is certain, nothing is on her mind except him whenever she’s there. A running place where she is free. Free from everything that weighs her down, from all the judgment and rejection of the real world. A place where she can quietly dream of him while inhaling her pack of cigarette. It’s like a disease that she cannot be immune with. It’s like a vice that she gets addicted with. It’s like a bad habit that she can’t let go. Of course, no one will ever know. Not even him. Why?Because it’s easier to be mean than to let him know how she feels. 🙂
Edit: Because it’s easier for everyone (including him) if she chooses to be discreet than to let him know how she feels. 🙂