“You cannot give what you do not have.”
I started to fall for someone, rather, infatuated at a very young age. Nobody taught me what was the difference between love and infatuation then. Labeling it was not important. For me, all I know is that this person was the center of my school days, everyday. I can still remember every time I gaze up on him without being noticed. I was not a stalker but maybe a die-hard fan of someone who is just an ordinary person on anybody’s eyes. For me he was so special. Days passed, we both grew up and my feelings was given a chance. Everything went fast but just like a summer love kind of story, everything was shattered into pieces. It was very emotional for me. After that first outbreak of romance, It seemed like I experienced different kind of whirlwind romance on and on. They all gave me thrills, they all caused me tears but I knew deep inside that they were all different.
“There are all kinds of love in this world but never the same love twice.”
F. Scott Fitzgerald
In the end, I thought, why do we all need to compare? Why do we usually resent the one who hurts us the most? Maybe because we don’t want our ego to be stepped on just like that? So, who did we really chose to love in the first place? Why are you hurting in the first place? Is it just because that someone hurt you or is it because you choose to love yourself? Why you are crying with that heartbreak? Because you thought you deserve someone better than him. You knew that he is not the right guy and yet you fell for him or maybe you both have the mutual love that everybody’s looking for but the timing is just not right. You can have all of the reasons in the world but in the end, the reason you are crying is because of him.
The only time you know you have moved on and let go is when you don’t blame someone for your feelings except for yourself. You stop acting like a child and start to take responsibility of your actions. Little by little you will realize that the love you’ve had whether it is your first love or you thought it’s ought to be the greatest is not the kind of love you think it was. What’s good about heartbreaks is in this phase, you start to love yourself. You started from bitterness and eventually you’ll come at a point to choose whether to forgive that someone who hurt you, or just forget everything and start anew or do both. Both of them are not easy. But whatever you do, whatever you choose, you should know that every single thing you do is not ONLY bounded between him and you. Most importantly, you do these things for yourself. So, when someone will ask me what is the best form of love, I will answer “Loving yourself is the best kind of love”.
Forgive yourself, accept yourself, love yourself.